Yet another milestone in my and baby G's life. I went to work for 3 days this week. Thought, how hard can it be?!? Quite hard, actually.
Before G, I kept thinking whenever a friend or colleague took a long time off with her baby (one year or longer), how can they take so much time off? Aren't they getting bored? Besides, being "out of circulation" work-wise for such a long time surely makes you a bit rusty! Now I understand...
The UK has some progressive stuff in its maternity regulations. For starters, maternity leave can be up to a year. Ok pay is rubbish unless the company you work for is generous, but it's one year! Then, you can go to work for a few days to keep in touch before coming back to work. You can also "give" some of your maternity leave to the father (not that I know any man who took this fantastic opportunity...either sexist or old fashioned or of course they get paid more than women!). And if you're still breastfeeding when you return to work you are entitled to certain adjustments.
So I had 3 days at work this week. I thought, great! Let's see if my brain is still working. I love my job, and I love the company I work for. So I'd been looking forward to these days but also been apprehensive about leaving baby G. And off to work I go...
First day was great. After a partly sleepless night of course, it was after all the first day back as a mother! It was exciting, I got back into it instantly (I guess all those emails helped!), not much had changed which also helped, and my regular breaks to go home and feed G were working well.
Day 2 came. And G was in a bad mood. When I was coming home to feed her, she wouldn't even look at me. Smiling was completely off the table! It was as if she was really upset with me. I had the silent treatment. Now I know how men feel when they get that! And worse, I knew how mothers feel when they go back to work.
Fortunately things got better in the evening, and day 3 was more bearable - and G was treating me more nicely as well. It made me realise how hard it is to go back to work - less tiring than staying at home with youor baby (yes, really!) but missing them, seeing their little faces with your minds' eyes, needing a cuddle, and then going home to be punished is a lot to cope with!
Will I go back to work? Yes. Full time, after 7 months off. Needs must, and I really do love work. The experience has however made me a bit more understanding... so watch out, there will be a lot of talking about the baby from me!
Saturday, 21 January 2012
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Relationships and children
When I found out that I was pregnant, some people warned me about how relationships change. Amd ever since I kept hearing comments that a child changes the dynamics of a couple considerably. In some cases, the couple stops being that and becomes something less and more in the same time.
Before I go on, let me make this clear. This is not based on my experience, I'm too busy with baby G to do this level of introspection!!! (or maybe herein lies the issue?)
So what is the problem? How do you continue being a couple - having moments of intimacy, going out for a nice meal, having a chat about work / a film / your boss / the good looking neighbour / weather / etc (delete as appropriate)? How do you find time (and childcare) to go to the movies, go out with friends, enjoy a read before going to sleep together? I'd say, make the time. Enlist friends and / or family to help. Talk about it. I don't want to have a friendship, or a partnership. I want a relationship, to be in a couple. Yes, a child changes your life dramatically, to an extent I didn't think possible. But equally, a child should enhance the parents' life together. So go on, pack your things, the little one(s), and go on a holiday!
Any experiences or thoughts you can share?
Before I go on, let me make this clear. This is not based on my experience, I'm too busy with baby G to do this level of introspection!!! (or maybe herein lies the issue?)
So what is the problem? How do you continue being a couple - having moments of intimacy, going out for a nice meal, having a chat about work / a film / your boss / the good looking neighbour / weather / etc (delete as appropriate)? How do you find time (and childcare) to go to the movies, go out with friends, enjoy a read before going to sleep together? I'd say, make the time. Enlist friends and / or family to help. Talk about it. I don't want to have a friendship, or a partnership. I want a relationship, to be in a couple. Yes, a child changes your life dramatically, to an extent I didn't think possible. But equally, a child should enhance the parents' life together. So go on, pack your things, the little one(s), and go on a holiday!
Any experiences or thoughts you can share?
Dream and reality
Last night I was very busy. I couldn't fall asleep to start with (was it the full moon? The Transylvanian in me?). Then I had a very vivid dream, which lasted a long time, and was multilingual (show off!).
Which then made me stay awake thinking about dreams and reality. Some people believe that dreams are like premonitions - they give you early warnings of what it is to come. Others say that dreams have their roots in the happenings of the day/week/mnth/year/childhood etc.
What do I think? Here's my two-pence (or two-cents) worth, based on some of the stuff I read and on what I believe.
The human brain gathers information all day and all night. But we are extremely busy during the day, running around doing out usual stuff. So the brain doesn't get the chance to catch up with itself. We also don't have a lot of time to carefully think through options in order to make the best decisions. When we sleep, the brain has this chance to "catch it's breath" and quietly and calmly think things through. So it goes through the events of the day/week/month etc and signals go between it's different parts. So we dream based on what our subconscious or even unconscious processes. Those dreams are either the effect of some important events, or hidden wishes that we have, frustrations, desires, even fears... Or short glimses of what the future might hold based on the decisions we have just made. Dreams can also send us some messages on dangers ahead, which instinctively our brain (probably the amigdala) recognises, but we (intelligent, advanced beings that we are) ignore completely.
sweet dreams everyone!
Which then made me stay awake thinking about dreams and reality. Some people believe that dreams are like premonitions - they give you early warnings of what it is to come. Others say that dreams have their roots in the happenings of the day/week/mnth/year/childhood etc.
What do I think? Here's my two-pence (or two-cents) worth, based on some of the stuff I read and on what I believe.
The human brain gathers information all day and all night. But we are extremely busy during the day, running around doing out usual stuff. So the brain doesn't get the chance to catch up with itself. We also don't have a lot of time to carefully think through options in order to make the best decisions. When we sleep, the brain has this chance to "catch it's breath" and quietly and calmly think things through. So it goes through the events of the day/week/month etc and signals go between it's different parts. So we dream based on what our subconscious or even unconscious processes. Those dreams are either the effect of some important events, or hidden wishes that we have, frustrations, desires, even fears... Or short glimses of what the future might hold based on the decisions we have just made. Dreams can also send us some messages on dangers ahead, which instinctively our brain (probably the amigdala) recognises, but we (intelligent, advanced beings that we are) ignore completely.
sweet dreams everyone!
Sunday, 1 January 2012
The War of Sexes
I've been thinking of this for a few good days now... What is it that is making us, men and women, so different, to the point of fighting (and sometimes inflicting pain, physical or psychological)? From the point of view of a woman (I know, flawed already!), there are millions of reasons... If you lack a good sense of humour, better stop reading now. And before you carry on, I am not a feminist - in fact I love men, couldn't live without them, life would be too dull!
Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? If we believe that men are warriors - or ready to get into fights - and women are beautiful (which they are of course!) then yes. And if you're not sure why, Mars was the god of war and Venus the goddess of beauty in the Roman mythology. I digress!
Can women read maps? I can! And I don't like it when I'm told that women can't read maps or do any orienteering - that's a good enough reason to start a war! And besides, I think women are brave enough to stop and ask for directions, shamelessly:-).
Multitasking... Why is it that men typically have to concentrate on one thing at a time (and sometimes not even finish it!)? As for women... I sometimes talk on the phone while working on something and answering someone else's questions in the same time - and usually not failing any of these tasks! Not that one could fail chatting but that's beside the point!
And why is it that we are programmed from when we are kids in being so different? I would love to be able to fix my plumbing, or replace the electrics, connect the dishwasher, drill holes, etc etc etc. In fact I've been seriously considering enrolling on a course to learn how to do all these. Maybe at some point in the future... Or look at professions. Far more men are engineers, far more women are nurses. And although women probably cook more than men at home, apparently the best chefs are men. Although a man told me that, so I'm not so sure about that!
Not to mention pay differentials - I think in the UK the pay gap is 25%, I won't be working by the time the gap is closed at the current rate. If I'm still alive to see that day I'll be lucky!
I don't believe in quotas, forcing things in. I believe in meritocracy. There are differences, and we should celebrate them, they are what makes us individuals!
Have fun battling!!!
Are men really from Mars and women from Venus? If we believe that men are warriors - or ready to get into fights - and women are beautiful (which they are of course!) then yes. And if you're not sure why, Mars was the god of war and Venus the goddess of beauty in the Roman mythology. I digress!
Can women read maps? I can! And I don't like it when I'm told that women can't read maps or do any orienteering - that's a good enough reason to start a war! And besides, I think women are brave enough to stop and ask for directions, shamelessly:-).
Multitasking... Why is it that men typically have to concentrate on one thing at a time (and sometimes not even finish it!)? As for women... I sometimes talk on the phone while working on something and answering someone else's questions in the same time - and usually not failing any of these tasks! Not that one could fail chatting but that's beside the point!
And why is it that we are programmed from when we are kids in being so different? I would love to be able to fix my plumbing, or replace the electrics, connect the dishwasher, drill holes, etc etc etc. In fact I've been seriously considering enrolling on a course to learn how to do all these. Maybe at some point in the future... Or look at professions. Far more men are engineers, far more women are nurses. And although women probably cook more than men at home, apparently the best chefs are men. Although a man told me that, so I'm not so sure about that!
Not to mention pay differentials - I think in the UK the pay gap is 25%, I won't be working by the time the gap is closed at the current rate. If I'm still alive to see that day I'll be lucky!
I don't believe in quotas, forcing things in. I believe in meritocracy. There are differences, and we should celebrate them, they are what makes us individuals!
Have fun battling!!!
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