Having a premature baby part 1

About 1 in 10 babies born in the UK are premature, by definition born before they're 37 weeks. When they're born early, preemies go into a neonatal unit, in either intensive care, high dependency, special care, or a combination thereof.
I don't think any mother is contemplating having a premature baby. I certainly wasn't but despite my efforts to keep my legs closed and keep G in, she arrived at 28 weeks and 5 days gestational age. And if you think "wow that's early!" although you're right, it could be a lot worse. There were babies in intensive care born at 24-25 weeks, and I saw some triplets born 3.5 months early. The medical staff do wonders these days!
So how is it? Well there's the initial shock - oh my god my baby wants or needs to come out! Then there's hope - maybe I can keep her in for a bit longer! The longer they stay inside, the better for their development. I think it's something like 1 day inside=1 week outside. Then the problem with the lungs - they don't fully form until 29 weeks. The fact that you don't know anything about preemies, you weren't planning on having one! A little bit of excitement that you'll meet your baby. A bit of regret that you haven't experienced the full pregnancy - although this come a bit later when you start seeing really heavily pregnant women, together with some relief that there was no back ache/ heartburns/ being too hot etc. And more feelings, the cocktail can get overwhelming.
On top of the stress that your baby is so early, there's the disappointment that you can't even hold her. As soon as they're out, unless you make an effort to see them - like I did - you'll only get to have a look when they're in the neonatal unit NNU. They go straight to the paediatricians and then in a special incubator to transport them to the NNU. Now that incubator looks impressive - it's like a mini spaceship (and yes, my sense of humour helped me).
Oh and the birth itself is a different experience. Forget about privacy. I had 1 midwife, 1 doctor, and 3 paediatricians. But more about childbirth separately!
So. You don't hold your baby, she goes straight to NNU. Then they take you to see her. And you get the shock of your life. Not only she's in an incubator attached to all sorts of medical devices that you know nothing about. She's also got all sorts of tubes coming out of all sorts of places in her tiny body. Oh and there's the size. G weighed 1.01 kg. Although she was long, about 40 cm. Seeing your baby connected to all types of machinery, with a tube in to help her breathe, after the shock of childbirth, is absolutely heartbreaking. And when you hear her cry, a weak, kitten-like cry, then you start. You can touch her but you're afraid to, she's so fragile! You do it anyway, she's your baby, you love her, want to feel her close to you. Forget about holding her, she's way too fragile for that!
Then you go back to the postnatal ward and you cry. And cry. And cry. Until you eventually fall asleep but wake up shortly after and cry again. And you keep telling yourself, you've gotta be strong for her, and you have to start getting her some milk. But you can't stop crying. You start expressing - and it's hard work, you don't get much, you get upset because you know that's what your baby needs. But you keep going because that's what your baby needs! And you take your milk to NNU whenever you manage to get a few drops, they're precious and best for her. And you keep crying, but it gets better.
After 2 days I was discharged. And worried sick because the first week is critical. At G's gestational age, 90% survive. But then you wonder whether there will be any complications. Or an developmental issues. Which by the way you won't know until much later! But you have to carry on, think positive and get that milk to the NNU.
I was going to the hospital twice a day, a few hours in the morning, home for lunch, a few hours in the afternoon. I was lucky, G was only ventilated for a night and she did great. The staff were amazing. They explain everything to you, and they encourage you to bond with your baby, and they get you involved. After a few days I was allowed to hold G for a few minutes. I'll never forget those few minutes, it was so precious, and scary in the same time, holding that weightless little body close to me. Then I started to do some cares and tube feeds.
Obviously you learn everything on the go, you never had the chance to attend antenatal or parent craft classes! But they teach you how to do everything. If you think changing the nappy on a newborn is tough, think again! Try changing it on a fragile baby just over a kilo!
How did I go through it? Well it was a challenge. I usually like challenges - although I would have preferred not to have this one! So I got my determined attitude and carried on. And I'd like to believe that all the bonding with G - holding, touching, being there, talking to her - paid off. She was out of intensive care after about 5 days, and out of high dependency and into special care after another week or so. I could bring her home after just over 5 weeks, way before her due date (when they typically can come home)! And you know what? She's worth every tear, every sleepless night, every stroke of the breastfeeding pump. More on preemies to come...